Can't Miss Opportunity

For 28 years I've sat on the fence while others are getting rich off my ideas. Teeth whitening coffee creamer, Bluetooth technology, boats - all my ideas. Karma has finally struck. Within the past two months I've been presented two very intriguing, very different business plans. I've done my due diligence; my mind-mapping - but nothing beats the healthy dialogue I can get from this blog, so I thought I'd indulge.

Business Opportunity #1

Developing the Schultz pole barn into the Bavarian Entertainment Haven. There are a lot of moving parts to this one, so stay with me. As you walk in, the first thing you see is The Governor (Graham). He's our MOD for the two lane, self scoring, bowling alley. He greats all visitors with his patented smile, gets them their shoes, their drinks, and monitors scoring to prevent cheating. He also doubles as our bouncer. "Why does your bowling alley need a bouncer" you ask. How else are we supposed to kick out the drunk patrons grouping the strippers, come on! Just follow the music past the frozen banana stand and make yourself comfortable. Joe Schultz has personally vowed to screen each dancer as our CQCO (chief quality control officer). We keep our costs low by not filing any papers or acquiring the proper licenses with the city/township/county/state. "And you'll be shut down in a week"you say. INCORRECT! Apparently you have forgotten that this is on private property claimed and protected by the "homestead act". Also, in your hastiness, you've forgotten who our bouncer is.

Business Opportunity #2

While this opportunity doesn't include an equity stake, it's "perks"make it equally lucrative. Now, I haven't had a chance to sit down face to face with the architech of this plan yet, for it was presented to me 24 hours ago. The details still need to be ironed out, but I've liked what I've heard. My position, as I understand it - clerk. When asked about my benefits package, the crafty entrepreneur responded "None. You're on your own for that shit". Damn guy must have had years of intense negotiation training. My wage? "Whatever you want. Money is no object". This position would require relocation, but I was assured that I could stay as long as I liked at his place, everything included. He made some mention of the possibility of promotion to management of a satellite office yet to be acquired, on the beach, but the details were hazy. The opportunity rests in the fact that our competition, as it seems, is run by a bunch of quarreling dueces. I'm told if they can make money, our biggest obstacle would be where to rent a vehicle big enough to transport all of our (his, I'm an employee but he used the word "our") money to the bank. Something was said about negotiating a higher than competitive interest rate on our (his) money at the bank, but again we hadn't the time to get into it.

YEAH karma!

To See, Or Not To See.....

There are times in life where things aren't exactly as they seem. We infer and reason in a constant effort to solve a mystery, but often find when Velma Dinkley solves the caper by pulling the mask of the villain, our logic was flawed. Then the nerdy, four-eyed b-tch proceeds to rub it in our faces by telling us how she figured everything out, all the while our hatred for her increases to a point where just about when she's about to get punched in the neck, Scooby says something funny and we all laugh and forget about it.

There are also times in life where things are exactly as they seem. Our logic and pattern of thought remain the same, but the end result is what we expected. Example: I frequent Powerhouse gym, you may know it as the gym where membership paying meathead's run through the parking lot dragging trucks behind them. As I walked to the water fountain during one of my visits, I saw a fellow member talking with a trainer in the office. The trainer, sporting a trimmed mo-hawk, seemed to be very certain, very forceful with whatever he was saying. When I came within earshot, I heard what he was so passionately explaining. "....look around this gym right now. I can teach you to choke out any person in here....." Now, he could have been relaying something he heard during the UFC 45 pay-per-view he had purchased the previous night. Or he could have been delivering a punch line to a funny joke. But I looked in his eyes.....I read his body language. There is no doubt in my mind that he wanted to mentor this guy. He wanted to prove to this gentleman that he could make him into a choke-out expert. I now find myself looking around cautiously for the both of them whenever I'm in there, although I know it's just a matter of time before I get choked out.

Bringing me to the topic at hand. The naysayers are out. The spin doctors are spinning. Damage control at it's finest. You all read the very well articulated previous post, carefully making a point by point argument to dispel the notion that Mrs. Nancy Stasik saw Daddy's junk at the Jacob's wedding. Now, even though I was double fisting white russian's for hours before said event, my memory is vivid.

Background: Each of the tables at the wedding contained disposable cameras so guests' enjoying their free night of food and booze and dancing could capture different aspects of the exciting, once in a lifetime evening for Joe and Shanna.

Daddy saw camera. Instinct's took over. Daddy unzipped his pants while sitting in his chair. Savage and I were standing by him. Savage, knowing what was going to happen next, surveyed the parameter to see if we could have pending trouble from anyone within eye shot. After seeing Mrs. Stasik looking at Daddy while stand above Scott who happened to be two seats over from Daddy, Savage says "No Daddy! No Daddy! No Daddy!" To which Daddy replies, "Naw, it's tight"

I look up at Mrs. Stasik, hoping she isn't witnessing this action. Her reaction was one of the following:

1) She looked up at me while saying "I don't believe what I just SAW. I don't BELIEVE what I just saw!"

2) She looked up at me while saying "OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS!"

3) I made eye contact with her and she had this huge, unmistakable smile on her face. Our eye contact didn't last long because her eyes darted back down to Daddy's junk....then back up to me. The smile never leaving, this eye darting continuing until Daddy zipped back up.

4) No reaction at all. Why would she have a reaction? It wasn't like the guy sitting two chairs down had his cock out and everyone surrounding her was looking at him and laughing. It wasn't like him taking a picture of his cock was the center of attention at the table she was at. It wasn't like her son was completely ignoring her while doubled over in laughter. It wasn't like she was looking at some 30 year old buddy of her son's cock, so why would she have a weird reaction?

This is the event, as I remember it. Granted, I had been pounding white russians all night. Also, I ended up paying Zehnder $41 for half of his white russian. Maybe I'm wrong.

***BREAKING JACOBS WEDDING NEWS***

My mother, it seems, did NOT see the Tax Man's cock at the wedding reception. Repeat: did NOT see Tax Man's cock.

That is all.