Cortney, I understand that you were still in elementary school at the time of this story and, no doubt, hitting the younger birthday party circuit pretty hard. You probably don't have much of a recollection of how you broke in the new millenium. If you prefer, you can stop reading now. But, I digress...
Several of us had gathered in Ann Arbor for my late brother's 21st birthday celebration in January of '00 (Barber, you were there...Phil, you were DEFINITELY there). All was going well. While one Balbach stole throaty kisses with Clare, the other Balbach lay in the prone position, a drunken mess. Apparently the EGL came a little too strong for our fallen warrior on this night (for those of you who were not there it was Sara, not Erich who had a little too much to drink. Unfortunately, this also means that it was Erich, not Sarah who was making out with Clare. Not nearly as hot, I know.)
The music was loud, the booze was flowing, and all in attendance were having a great time. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. The impetus to the end of these particular good times would be the sight of our Mexi-Asian friend in the middle of the dancefloor, sucking face with a young, husky University coed (see enhanced, cropped party photo below).
It mattered not to our good friend that the music had stopped and all eyes were fixed on him and his pig - errrrrrr, date. His arms strained as he tried to pull his new catch close, his hands not quite able to lock around her ample rolls. The unbridled passion each felt for the other was marked not only by their groping hands, but also by the offputting sweat stains that had soaked through both of their shirts. "There's only one thing that can make this magical night even better," they both agreed. "Burgers!!! (not the Burgers you and Deuce liked in high school, Daddy) .
And with that, they ordered food enough to feed a small army and retired back to her place...
After putting the troughs away, our amorous duo found themselves alone in bed. Clothed only in fast food wrappers and bathed in bacon grease, the lovers pulled each other tight to share their warmth on a cold winter's night. Bills, sensing his opportunity to pounce slipping away as his latest conquest slipped in and out of a full-bellied sleep, began to let his mitts wander. As he rolled back layer after layer of portly goodness he felt a firm grip around his wrist, which was resting between two husky thighs. Undeterred, our hero straddled his new love-interest and began preparing himself for a move known in these parts as the "South End Special". For you novices, in many other parts it's also called "eating pu**y".
"No, you don't understand!", pleaded his princess. "I haven't shaved down there!".
"It's OK, baby," replied our Knight in Shining Armor, "I kinda like it that way!".
They don't call him the Player for nothin'...
13 comments:
Wow...did not anticipate things moving in this direction...but pandora's box has been opened. Can't help but smile when I hear things like "Damn baby, you must work out" or "Naw baby, its cool, he isn't hear" or "Zehnder, come hear quick, my c**k has never been bigger than it is right now, you gotta see this". We certainly have our way with words. But the "Its cool baby, I kinda like it" will go down (no pun intended)in history as smooth as silk. That's a man that knows what he wants.
Hammer, you might want to rethink that "smooth as silk" phrasing as well...
"Those who live in glass house's should not cast stones".
PS...who is Courtney?
Glass houses? I have NEVER hooked up with a defensive lineman, especially one that was "unkempt".
Cortney is Alexis' upgrade.
I suppose it is in the eye of the beholder what substantiates an "upgrade". But it is to my understanding Dutch that "it was your turn" and may be a little bitter by the skip in set-ups? I am sure the time may come when you can make your judgement .. pre-determined or not ... until then everyone is entitled to their own opinions .. right Balbach (especially when it comes to my political affilations/career goals) And for everyone's info ... the "G" rocks!
Dutch has a girlfriend. That's why he got skipped in the rotation. And I think the line of people is LONG that will give you the upgrade nod after a few meetings. Just don't make a scene at Balbach's wedding...Hammer's prior dates had a habit of doing that.
Ok, to rebute the comment about Balbach's wedding ... apparently the groom has no recollection of our conversation (which I find hard to believe) BUT in any event I am not "that girl" that causes scenes ... all I wanna do - is have some fun (Satan finish the chorus for me) .. no worries here .. and like I said *Everyone is entitled to their own opinions* even balbach so I can't hate!
All these talks about this new Courtney girl is exciting!! I can't wait to meet her and have a political conversation. I must warn you, Courtney, you will have to make quite the impression on this guy...Alexis and I were TIGHT!!! Our political conversations were always light, pleasant, and NEVER heated!?!?!
Tax Man, you and Alexis did have a very special relationship. It'll be hard to match anything you two had.
You'll be missed at the Bday party tomorrow. Who is going to jack off on the diving board as the crowd watches in amazement?
Daddy, are you planning on bringing The Raptor home with you? I don't think Balbach will be satisfied if you don't...just a thought.
i think the legend made this one up....playboy only hooks up with super skinny chicks
Let us not forget that this very same night in question, ole Savage up and left the party quite unannounced. Now, say a 22 year old MSU student is at a party in AA and is ready to drive home. What is his most likely destination? Back to EL, right? Wrong. Old Twigs and Bloom left and drove home to his parents' house, blasted mind you. But on the way he had an itch that just needed scratching and he decided to stop at the Velvet Touch of Mt. Morris. Well done Soaring Eagle...well done indeed.
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