In My Brand New Effort to Become a Ladies Man, I Need a Role Model

I sat at my desk today listening to, for the sake of anonymity, we’ll call her "Oxygen Waster". Oxygen Waster calls up about once every three months. As most of you know, I sell stuff. Oxygen Waster certainly knows that because she has bought stuff from me. Each time she calls, our conversations become more bizarre, never having anything to do with investments. Example - The purpose of Oxygen Waster’s call today was to instruct me to put in her file for our company to conduct a full, private autopsy of her body. She feels her ex-husband is poisoning her and he has all of her doctors, judges, lawyers, and the Saginaw County policeman on his payroll. This has caused her to fire three lawyers, yell at a judge and be held in contempt of court, and question her doctors although I’m guessing she has no secondary education. As I zone-out listen, I come to the realization that I need to change. Mrs. Oxygen Waster feels very comfortable calling me and discussion her personal issues....how can I get the exact opposite of that? Becoming a ladies man, that’s how!!! So say goodbye to Hammer as you knew him...hello to SLEDGEHAMMER? No, I’m not going to change my nickname like Nauss did upon reaching high school (google "transformation from house to a.c.").

So I need a role model. If you are reading this and thinking, "I would make a perfect role model", reconsider. You aren’t (Thompson, I’m looking at you).

I believe I have found a worthy mentor, but I want your suggestions. Is there someone else I should analyze? Or could I just pull it off....could I become Gob Bluth?

BACKGROUND:
Gob Bluth - Magician. Favorite holiday - Spring Break. Briefly married a woman after an orgy of escalating bets. F-cks away his family’s problems. Sleeps with his brother’s girlfriend/mothers arch-nemesis to once again save the family. Dates a Spanish actress. Assists family in scoring dope. Wear’s expensive suits. Speaks loudly and decisively.