What I Like

I spent some time with my Grandfather the other day and learned something....."That god damned Cameron Maybin isn't worth a shit." It's so nice spending time with relatives and not having to waste my time making out with chicks. All that making out would prevent me from the knowledge one can only learn from someone who has spent 89 years on this Earth. Like when we celebrated his birthday last weekend, he pulled me aside for another pearl of wisdom...."That god damned Brandon Inge isn't worth a shit. He spends too much time on that damned golf course." At dinner with about 30 of my family members, he took the opportunity to express some of his concerns to me. "Matt, you dating anyone?" (I'm at the far end of the table, so this old, grisseled man is yelling) "No, no I'm not Grandpa". "Why the hell not! You need to be more like you grandpa when he was your age!" (My grandfather was was married to the woman sitting next to him at his age 20, but who am I to say anything) "Yes, yes I do Grandpa....would you like more whiskey?"

Some other things I've learned from him this year -

1) "That god damned Gary Sheffield isn't worth a shit. Wagging that god damned bat up there....look at him....he's not even ready for the pitch!"

2) "That god damned Guillen isn't worth a shit."

3) "That god damned Jones......he isn't worth a shit."

I ran across something else I loved this weekend.....a GREAT deal! You know, when you see something so good you have to start flipping through the address book on your cell and calling everybody....it was that good! I am driving and stop at a red light on the corner State and Bay. Windows down, Grateful Dead - "Touch of Grey" playing loudly through my speakers. I look directly to my left and see a entreprenurial bunch of "gentlemen" and "ladies" with signs. I hear them screaming something, but can't quite make out what the hell is going on. Fear overcame my body as one "gentleman" started walking directly towards my window, pointing and screaming at me. He was practically inside my car, telling me "YOU NEED THIS CAR WASH MAN! IT'S $3....YOU CANT BEAT THAT (I think he may have actually sworn here).....COME ON!" I never actually made eye contact with him; kept my eyes fixed straight ahead at the light...trying to "will it" to turn green. Ted must have thought I didn't notice him, because he continued waving his hands at me while yelling "YOU CAN'T PASS THIS UP". I passed it up, because here is what would have happened had I took Ted up on his offer. After a half-ass car wash with dirty water and mits that scratched my car, Ted would walk up to my window and say "5 Bucks". After I handed him three, he would say "Naw, 5 dollars for SUV's man". I begin to explain that the discrimination against SUV drivers parrellels that of African Americans in the 1950s, and now is the time to do what is right, but he isn't budging. I start to pull away, five dollars poorer and $5,000 less in blue book value, and I here Ted saying...."No tip? Come on man! Think about the kids!"

Other things I like....

...grabbing the treadmill/eliptical machine/stairstepper next to the woman wearing the visable thong and saying "Want to race?"

...Ty Willingham soon to be having a beater record the Charlie Wies at Notre Dame

..."IT'S AN A-BOMB, FOR A-ROD!"

Things I don't like...

...people I don't know sending emails to my work account about my erection/length issues

...this bump on my leg the seems to be getting larger

...coming up with way's to end posts