I don't claim to know a whole lot about "cool" (I suppressed "fashion", "Greek mythology", and "crazy hot sex" for the sake of length), but up until last Wednesday I could have sworn the "cool" thing to do was to go out to your hometown bars the night before Thanksgiving. I thought this was a time honored tradition...like circumcism, but I have come to realize both have come in question.
The night before Thanksgiving was big time, don't get me wrong. We started the night with a small crew at the tap room. Your usual HITTERS, doing what we do. Catching up with everyone, reliving high school stories, etc... As you might expect, we starting reciting lines from movies when the conversation got dull - "That's right, Iceman, I am dangerous" "One, Two, Ten....Oswald was a fag" "Dropping loads all over" "Oh, who are you? Isaac Fucking Newton". You know, lines from all the hits. What's that you say, you aren't familiar with one of the quotes? 
Which one? As it turns out, most others weren't aware and were quite startled when Phil loudly stated this to the bar. Upon inquiry, we found our friend has taking a liking to the work of Nick Manning (or HERE if you are NOT at work...do NOT click if at work and your volume is on). I can't speak for the others, but I became very concerned for Phil when I realized about 80% of what he said that night was actually things he had heard Mr. Manning say at some point in time. While most of us were excited to get back together, Phil couldn't stop talking about how his man was going to release ring tones. Forgive me, for this could just be me showing how out of touch with "cool" I actually am.
Which one? As it turns out, most others weren't aware and were quite startled when Phil loudly stated this to the bar. Upon inquiry, we found our friend has taking a liking to the work of Nick Manning (or HERE if you are NOT at work...do NOT click if at work and your volume is on). I can't speak for the others, but I became very concerned for Phil when I realized about 80% of what he said that night was actually things he had heard Mr. Manning say at some point in time. While most of us were excited to get back together, Phil couldn't stop talking about how his man was going to release ring tones. Forgive me, for this could just be me showing how out of touch with "cool" I actually am.Barber, Graham, Balbach, please do not read further.
As the night progressed, we made our way to Main Street....place was packed! Schultz was manning (Phil, by "manning" I mean operating, not a reference to your guy) the door, on the lookout I'm sure for the perpetrators that vandalized his state of the art restroom. As we walked in further, we saw Phil Hall sitting on a chair overlooking the room making sure trouble did not break out. I'm fairly confident this was not a contracted position he was receiving compensation for, but oddly no one was really surprised.
Quick digression - Watching the Missouri game...are the big ass Dr. Seuss hats still cool? What in the hell is going on...where do they breed these people? Oh, just answered my own question.
We saw a couple of men in uniform at Main Street. I figured I would thank them for their service, so I approached them only to be cut off by Phil Zeilinger, his wife, and Matt Kasawski. Phil is not stable, so I chose to wait my turn, but soon realized Phil was not there to thank them. Rather, Phil was attempting to point out that they were wearing their gear incorrectly. Is this cool? Is it possible that Phil forgot he was dishonorably discharged from the Armed Forces 10 years ago and further he would find it a challenge instructing someone how to cook a hot dog? We left Main Street, went to Hook's. Young, unattractive crowd...left shortly after arriving.
Someone help me.....Biggest Bar Night.....not cool now?
2 comments:
You are correct. The cool thing to do when you hit the "30's" area is to settle in with the wife and enjoy some good, quality family time. This is a young person's world, and I'm glad "the crew" finally figured that out.
Also, adding to your "uncoolness" is the fact that you were hanging out with a DUDE that was quoting MALE porn stars all night. Uncomfortable.
Finally, the crew, Matt Kusowski and Phil Zeilinger were all hitting the same spots on Wednesday night. Cool? You tell me...
Ill be the first to admit...my social life sucks. As many of my friends can tell you, I know far too much about FEMALE adult actresses. The operative word being FEMALE. I can tell you that Asia Carerra is actually a card carrying member of MENSA, that Stormy Daniels was the actress that Andy watched in 40 Year Old Virgin, and that Savannah Samson actually got her start as a SCORES girl and was discovered after being on the Howard Stern Show. I know many random facts about these gorgeous woman who I would bang at a moments notice, however I could not tell you the name of any, and I mean ANY male star (sans Ron Jeremy--but that is more pop culture than porn star) or clue you into any of their random lines in a film. This is disturbing in and amongst itself.
You guys are now at the age where you realize that spending 5.00 for a Busch Light just doesn't make sense. And it is that simple. Also the people that tend to go to those places on the regular, havent been out of Saginaw County in two years.
By the way, my new favorite star is Austin Kincaid. If I could bring her home to Frankenmuth and Saginaw for Christmas, I would in a heartbeat. Im not sure Kay Sue or Lynnette would approve but at least Grandpa would be impressed.
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