While You Were Sleeping......

...we've been making moves.  "We" you ask?  Answer - Tax Man and me.  "What kinda moves" you wonder?  The kind of moves that involve shutting off your heat and standing in front of your open freezer door nude until your body shuts down.

I haven't slept in weeks.  I despise the fact that I need to waste half of my day clothed in a warm office, but with the economy being what it is, our financiers recommended we keep our jobs until the deal is finalized.  Negotiations are going well...not as quick as we would like.  Things got a little heated at the last meeting when a banker attempted to explain that a deal like this has never been proposed, much less acted on, so it will take time.  It even surprised me as I watched Tax Man's open hand smack this gentleman's face.  "Why did you just slap me?"  No response from Tax Man...just an ice cold stare.  We need this.

With tragedy comes opportunity.  Opportunity needs to be seized.  Iceland is broke.  Since the day I was born, the only thing I've ever wanted is to own Iceland.  I didn't know that Tax Man felt the same way until we were campaigning earlier this year.  So we are buying it.  After the purchase, sweeping changes will begin.

1.  We will kidnap one of our close friends, who at the present time will remain nameless, using force.  We've identified him/her because of his/her proficiency in the popular "Sim City" PC game.  Using torture, we will force our friend to create the backbone of our country.  After everything is built and tested, we will properly "dispose" of our friend.  This entire process will be overseen by Tax Man.

2.  Concurrently, I will be evacuating everyone from Iceland.  By official decree, we have banned any current or former citizens.  The logic behind starting a "scratch" country rests in the reason we were able to purchase it.  They had their chance, blew it, and we don't want them contaminating our country anymore.  Anyone refusing to leave will be jailed without food until they change their mind.

3.  After emptying Iceland, any non-former citizen will be eligible to apply for citizenship as long as they are female.  The application process will be two-part, very discriminatory, and broadcast using our existing infrastructure for revenue.  The first part will have similarities to current popular "reality" TV shows, pitting the applicants against each other in quirky situations.  The details of the second part haven't been fleshed out completely, but there was talk of oil wrestling.

The winners becoming the "Founding Women" of our country.

4.  The new name for our country will be derogatory.  We currently have a few in mind, but don't want to put the cart in front of the horse.

VIVA ICELAND!